Booty shots

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Ok, so I did NOT know that the estrogen shots were booty shots. These ones are done in the evening between 6:00-8:00, so before dinner I was calmly sorting through my box of meds for the estrogen vial and accompanying needles. That's when I saw that the box said INTRAMUSCULAR injection instead of subcutaneous injection like my Lupron. I took out the directions to read through them, just in case, to make sure I was doing this one right. The directions were telling me butt shot. What the hell!!!! I was not ready for this. I didn't think I had to do butt shots until I started progesterone. I was so afraid of doing it wrong, of jabbing the wrong spot, of hitting the bone, etc. I watched a few YouTube videos, most of which were unhelpful, then I found one of a girl actually giving herself the shot. I watched it like 10 times out of fear and procrastination.

Technically, it's easier if someone does the shot for you. But this was not something I was willing to give up control of. I want to control the pain, the jab, how long it takes to get the whole needle in, how quickly I dispense the medication. Plus, if Jake did it for me, he would probably be afraid he was hurting me the whole time. He would not be a good shot-giver. These needles are an inch and a half long, and THICK.

So I watched the video a few more times. I did several pump fakes, like okay this is it, coming really close to puncturing my skin, then pulling back in tears. I was being such a baby. Finally I said to myself, "This is for our babies." I thought of our two little blastocysts, chilling in the lab, waiting for us to become their parents. Then I did it.

I was imagining this to be 1,000 times worse than it actually was. Yes, it hurt a little when it first went in, but I had iced the area the entire time I was procrastinating, so my skin was pretty numb. Once it poked through, the rest of the needle slid in pretty easily and it didn't really hurt anymore. I did it REALLY slowly, like the big baby I am, until it was pretty much all the way in. I felt some extra resistance and a little extra jab once it was about 3/4 of the way in. It was probably hitting a secondary layer of muscle or something, but of course I was like, Oh my God I hit the bone, and was afraid to push it any further. I pushed the plunger slowly and let all the meds come out at my own pace. Once the plunger was all the way down, I pulled the needle out, and I was done! The fear is always so much worse than the reality.

To give you a visual: my cute little Lupron needle, and my big fat estrogen and progesterone needles.