Yesterday we had our follow-up appointment with Dr. Patel in Orlando. Our IVF seems like forever ago so it was kind of weird to get back to talking about it again, especially when discussing further treatment options. I kind of feel like that part of our lives is behind us, and I really don't have any plans to revisit IVF any time in the near future. If egg quality/good egg quantity is really my issue, then I don't know if IVF is going to make much of a difference. I think I need to see if I can fix the underlying issue.
When we first got there, Dr. Patel was super kind and sympathetic, almost too much. Like we were supposed to be sadder than we were letting on. I don't know if I am supposed to still be grieving...? I guess it DID just happen, but like I said, it feels like it was a long time ago. I'm kind of at peace with it, I think I'm over it... either that or it still hasn't fully hit me yet. I do remember not feeling much emotion when we got our numbers back from the blood test. Maybe I did most of my grieving on that Tuesday morning when the line on the home test started to fade. That was when I really knew we were losing the pregnancy.
So anyway, we went over the protocol from my IVF cycle. The first IVF is kind of like a science experiment, if it ends up not being successful. Dr. Patel was able to see what she might do differently next time based on the way my body responded to the treatment. For instance, she said since I was so slow to respond to the stimulation meds, next time she would not put me on Lupron at the beginning. Lupron is the drug that suppresses your reproductive system so that they can start from scratch, so to speak. The purpose of using Lupron is to be able to perfectly time the stimulation and maturation of the eggs so that you will have the maximum amount ready for retrieval all at the same time. Well, with me, the Lupron suppressed me TOO much, and it took a while for my body to make up the deficit. I had one lead egg that was way bigger than all the rest, and the other littler ones were not maturing. Only after I was bumped up to the max dosage of the stimulation meds did my body start to respond. Then I had a second wave of eggs pop up and start to mature. So in addition to putting the ix-nay on the Lupron next time, she said she would also start me out at the max dose of stimulations right from the get-go. That's kind of scary, knowing now what those meds can do to your body. I'm sure I'd be fine, but I'd probably be a nervous wreck the whole time.
Then we looked at the retrieval and fertilization process. We were able to get 11 eggs, but she had been hoping for more. It was also interesting to see that the only ones that fertilized and grew properly were the ones we had done ICSI on, which is where they manually inject the sperm into the egg. This is indicative of one or maybe both of 2 things: poor egg quality, or a problem with the egg shell where the sperm is unable to penetrate. These two things can also go hand-in-hand and the egg quality can affect the shell. Or the eggs can be chromosomally abnormal and fertilization cannot be successful.
We still had the question of what happened to our two little blastocysts. Both appeared to be good quality blasts at the time of transfer. According to Dr. Patel, there is no real explainable reason why the pregnancy did not hold. My uterine lining was "textbook perfect" (as always, ha) so that was not the issue. Was there a problem with the egg(s) chromosomally? Maybe. Something prevented it/them from growing past implantation. Again, this stems from egg quality. My endometriosis can be and probably is a big factor in that, especially since it grows on my ovaries. We asked about repeating the laparoscopic surgery to remove the endo again, but Dr. Patel said that in general, the best chances of conception are after the FIRST surgery. Any subsequent surgeries tend to do more harm than good, and can actually damage the ovaries. So we're just going to forge ahead, endometriosis and bad eggs and disappointing lab results and all. I'm sure all of those things plus who knows what else are collaborating down there to sabotage our chances of getting pregnant and carrying to term. Obviously this will continue to be a problem until we can either find that one good egg, or until I am somehow able to remedy my endometriosis and/or my crappy little eggs. (Is that bad to say? I kind of feel bad for calling my potential pre-half-babies crappy.)
So we went through a biochemical pregnancy, since at least one egg implanted but didn't survive any further than that. I had an early miscarriage at 5 weeks. Now that we've gone through it knowingly, I think it's possible that this has happened before, but my levels were probably never high enough to detect on a home pregnancy test. There have been times in the past when my period was late and I would get all excited and test, just to see a negative. But then when my period would come soon after, it would be awful and painful. Kind of similar to what I saw/felt this time. However, this time was worse because since I was on the progesterone injections, stopping them abruptly obviously caused a sharp drop in the hormone, so everything was in a rush to get out all at once. Much of it didn't bother to break down first. That's all I have to say about that.
The most important thing is that my body has proven that it IS capable of getting pregnant. That's the good news. IT IS POSSIBLE. We just have to keep up that mentality and think positive because we know it can be done. We will just need a little help in getting there. What that ends up being, we're not sure. I guess I would maybe reconsider IVF again in the future, but only if we've exhausted all other options and my age is really starting to become an issue. Maybe we would have better luck and retrieve more healthy eggs with a different protocol. I just know I'm not ready for that right now.
So for now, while we regroup and I continue to let my body recover, we are exploring other methods. Today I had a consultation with an acupuncturist in Boca Raton. Several weeks ago, while at one of my ultrasound appointments at the fertility clinic we found in Boca, there was this massage therapist there giving free 10-minute chair massages. Unfortunately, the nurses were in a rush to get me in for my scan, so I only got about 2 minutes' worth. But it was enough time to talk briefly with Yumi, who is a massage therapist for
Lifegate Acupuncture, where her husband Dr. Zurawin is the owner and acupuncturist. They have a pretty neat back story if you care to read it on their website. Anyway, I left with one of their cards and some additional information on acupuncture in case we would need it. I originally contemplated getting in there for some quick sessions before our transfer, but with everything we had going on I felt like the last thing I needed was something else to rush around to do. So I kept the card on our fridge just in case.
My appointment for today was at 3:30, so I was able to leave straight from work and get there in plenty of time. I had filled out a whole stack of paperwork over the weekend, so after meeting the doctor and taking a small tour of the facility, we sat down in his office and talked for probably an hour. He went through all of my paperwork and medical history with me, asking me specific questions about all of my symptoms to get as much information as he could. Along the way, he explained a lot of things to me about how Chinese medicine works, why he was asking certain questions, what my answers might mean as far as underlying issues, etc. He recommended a few books for me to check out to educate myself further as well as to supplement any treatments we do. The very first book he pulled out,
The Infertility Cure, I actually own! I read most of it several months ago, so I'll have to start it over again now that it's more relevant. Another one,
The Way of the Fertile Soul, sounds kind of hippie-ish and I don't know that I will partake. After reading
Inconceivable and
The Fertile Female by Julia Indichova, I've had about enough of those kumbaya "just imagine yourself being pregnant and you will magically become pregnant" books for now.
I had thought that today was just going to be a consult, and that the doctor would come up with a plan for me based off of our conversation. Well to my surprise, we actually did my first treatment today. Yay! First, he checked my pulse on both wrists. He said, "I can tell from your pulse that you're tired." Ha. Then he looked at my tongue, which can help give clues as to some things we need to correct. After that he had me lie on my stomach and put some kind of cold oil or something on the back of my neck/top of my back that warmed up after a bit. Then he rolled something over the area, no idea what it was. Then the needles went in, I think either 4 or 6 total, in different spots near the neckline of my shirt. I barely felt them, just a flick in some places and a tiny hint of a pinch in others. He also put in I think 4 more on my lower back, and aimed some kind of heat lamp there. Then he left the room and I laid there for about 10-15 minutes, in the dark, with relaxing Asian/massage-y music playing. When he came back, he flipped on the light right away and I almost went blind. Not the most relaxing way to come back in the room, doc. Then he had me turn over onto my back and he placed some needles on my front. 2 went in different places in each forearm, I think 4 in my abdomen, and 2 in each foot. The arm ones pinched a little, but the foot ones hurt. One went below the ankle on the inside of my foot and the other a little further up on the inside of my foot, about 2/3 of the way up towards my big toe. Those ones hurt the most - they kind of burned for a full minute or two after he put them in. He explained that the further you get on the extremities, the more sensitive the needle placement. Then he put the heat lamp over my stomach, turned out the light, and left again. This time he left me alone for much longer, at least 20-25 minutes, maybe 30. No clue. But who cares because it was so relaxing just laying there, all warm and toasty, with nothing to do, nowhere to be, and nothing to think about. I just laid there with my eyes closed and listened to the music and didn't want him to come back in and make it be over. I could definitely make this a regular part of my routine. :)
This time when he came back in, he thankfully turned on a lamp instead. He took the needles out, and then had me meet him back in his office to talk about a tentative plan. The first thing he said when I came back in was, "I think your case will be an easy one to fix." That was pretty awesome to hear! Then he went on to say that in his professional experience, most of his clients who see him for fertility have become pregnant naturally within about 4 to 6 months of receiving treatment. So if whatever is going on with me can be remedied with acupuncture, I like those odds. :) It takes about 3 months of treatment/diet/herbs to regulate the body back to its optimal state and get everything lined up the way it's meant to be. So for those first 3 months I think I am going to see him two times a week for treatment, and then we will reevaluate after that. It's going to be my little twice weekly time-out relaxation therapy. I'm looking forward to going back for round #2 this Friday.
Once I re-read my Infertility Cure book, I will be better equipped to explain the whole acupuncture, Qi flow,these-needles-are-going-there-because, my-body-is-deficient-here-because, blah blah blah. Plus Dr. Zurawin seems to explain a lot as he goes, so that will be helpful for me to know what to convey as well.
Ok I'm done with my novel for today. Good night!
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